Falling Forward: A Lesson in Balance Yoga

"You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result." -Gandhi

                I love yoga, but for years I have been too cowardly to join the intimate space that is Main Street Yoga in Mansfield. I went to beginner’s yoga with my sister before I moved out of the area, and it was such a wonderful experience. But, at the time, I would never have imagined myself doing it without my sister or a friend. Several years have passed since that time, and much has changed. Now that I’m back in Mansfield again, I decided to dive back into the yoga scene head first.

                Main Street Yoga offers an annual 30 Days of Yoga Challenge, and I wanted in. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to commit to all thirty days with my schedule, so I chose a weekday that fit my routine and started weekly yoga instead. I chose Thursdays, which happened to be Balance Yoga this month. I assumed it would be a bit challenging, but I decided to suck it up and go for it. I do love a good challenge.

Dancer Pose.

                The first thought that came to me as I unraveled my sky blue yoga mat with the word Believe scrolled across the top, was that I may have been foolish to start this now, during challenge month, and on the night of what Kathleen had just warned me was for the most difficult poses in yoga. “Prepare to fall,” the flyer on the door cautioned me. But I stayed and I greeted the woman behind me who was advanced in her yoga practice. She and Kathleen discussed headstands as my fellow classmates shuffled into the room. If I wasn’t intimidated initially, I certainly was after seeing how effortlessly they both swung their feet into the air and held a headstand as if it were the casual way they watched television at night in their homes. I pretended to stretch or something. The room filled.

                Kathleen began the class by having us do a particular flow that the other women had been doing in the challenge for the previous three days, and that I wasn’t yet used to. Mountain pose, arms up, deep breath, forward fold, downward dog (ouch, my arms!), plank pose (very ouch!), cobra pose, back into downward dog, walk to center, and start again. My mind screamed “wait for me”, but I pretended as if I had been doing it all along with the other women. I felt embarrassed, although nobody was looking at me. They were focused on their own centers. I needed to figure that part out still.

                We tried several balance poses, and some were a struggle, but doable for me. Others were not so doable for me. I stumbled. I fell. Sometimes I couldn’t physically lift my body into the pose (like crow pose for example, which will continue to be my enemy for quite a while, I’m sure).

Crow Pose.

                If I had done this exact class ten years ago, I would have given up, humiliated at my failed efforts. But I came back the following week, prepared to fall a few more times and hoping to learn something new about my body. In the third week of Balance Yoga, we found partners and attempted poses as a team. Fortunately, I knew my partner from college and we were comfortable together. We laughed and enjoyed the challenge. Toward the end, I shrugged my shoulders and said, “We may have failed at this.” She reminded me that we tried our best, so we couldn’t have failed. She was right.

                The old Ashley wouldn’t have tried this class alone. She definitely would not have continued in this class, unable to do many of the poses and aware of how silly she looked attempting them. The old Ashley would have given up. That would have been failure. But the person I am trying to be now wants challenge. I want to climb on top of *difficult* and press my heels into it. I want to show *difficult* that I’m not afraid of it. I can feel my body fighting to get better. I can feel my muscles aching after each class and my forehead sweating. I can feel myself finding balance in more than one way, and even if I stumble or struggle, at least I’ve tried, and I’ll continue to try until I get better.

                Today will be the last day of my first month of yoga. I plan to return in May. I feel myself improving and getting stronger, and although it is a very little bit of improvement, it’s there. Instead of shutting down and saying “I can’t do this,” as I would have done in the past, I’m going to tell myself that I can and I am doing this. In a few years, I hope to have tackled crow pose, and maybe I’ll even be the one doing headstands with the experienced yogis in the front of the room. Until then, all I can do is try my best.

Three Ways to Treat Yourself Kinder

"If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete." -Buddha 
 

A healthy lifestyle is more than just eating well and exercising regularly. You also have to take care of yourself emotionally. One of the best ways you can accomplish this is to treat yourself with respect. I will be the first to admit that I have spent most of my life failing at this. I have greatly improved my bad habit of treating myself poorly, but there is still more I can do to be kinder to myself. So, I have made a goal in this area of my life the same way I have made diet and exercise goals. I have determined that to treat myself kinder, I need to do three major things: encourage myself, celebrate myself, and forgive myself. I am no expert in the world of healthy living. I’m just an average girl trying to improve day by day. But from my personal experience, these are the three pieces of advice I could offer you. 

             

Encourage Yourself.

            Do away with the negative language: I can’t. I don’t know how. I wouldn’t be able to. I’m too fat. I’m too weak. I’m too inexperienced. These phrases must be crushed into tiny pieces and set on fire to allow for more encouraging, uplifting phrases to flourish. I have already made it a point to stop calling myself names. No more stupid. No more pig, idiot, or dummy. If someone else spoke to me that way, I would be horribly offended. So why should I speak to myself that way, and think it’s normal? Also, I would never discourage someone else in such a way, so it is absurd to do it to myself.

            We need to encourage ourselves to do well. You can. You will. Nice try. Good job. Maybe next time. You’re a badass bitch and YOU GOT THIS. Those are the things I always felt I needed to hear from other people to stay motivated. But guess what? It feels just as good to say it to myself. So, pat yourself on the back. Give yourself a pep talk. Tell yourself you can do it. Call yourself wonderful instead of an idiot. Encourage yourself to do well, and you will be surprised at how amazing you can make you feel.

Celebrate Yourself.

            Stop with the modesty shit. Dammit, I climbed that mountain and I’m awesome for it. I crushed that goal and I’m proud as hell. Maybe I didn’t do as well as I thought I would during that run, but I finished, and that’s pretty cool too. Celebrate the big moments. Celebrate the little moments. Don’t wait for others to celebrate for you. You know how hard you worked and how long you prepared for this success, big or small, so you have every right to celebrate yourself.

            Celebrate yourself in positive ways. Don’t celebrate with foods that will make you feel awful. Celebrate with friends. Celebrate with a new purse (or shoes). Go see a movie. Take a trip. Get your hair done. Celebrate in a way that is good for your soul. Don’t forget how great you’re doing and don’t wait for someone else to notice it. Remember, you’re a badass bitch. Treat yo’self.

"Believe in Yourself". Me in 2015.

Forgive Yourself.

            This one is the most difficult for me. I emotionally bully myself for things I did or didn’t do. I could have. I should have. Why didn’t I? If only. I have some shocking news, my friends: We can’t change the things we’ve done in the past. Hating ourselves for those things or letting them weigh on our conscience for days or months or even years is unhealthy. We need to let it go. I have had to forgive myself for some incredibly difficult things over the past few years. I can’t change the things I said or didn’t say to loved ones I’ve lost. I can’t change my actions during difficult situations or heated discussions. I can’t change the fact that I gained so much weight when I was pregnant or that I developed such unhealthy habits. But I need to forgive myself and move on. What I can do is work on who I am now to make myself even better for tomorrow. I can show the people in my life how much I care about them before it’s too late. I can be more self-aware when it comes to how I act or react. I can work hard to be healthier now. We make mistakes. We mess up. But we can’t dwell on those mistakes and bully ourselves for them. We can’t erase yesterday, but we can forgive ourselves and make tomorrow unbelievably great.

The Secret to Losing Weight

"A thousand mile journey starts with one step." -Lao Tzu

Photo from Google Images

              The big secret to losing weight and getting healthy isn’t such a secret. Since I’ve been trying so hard to be more health conscious, I have been bombarded with ads and brilliant new secrets to shedding extra pounds. It is as easy as trying this product or using that workout DVD. It’s as effortless as wearing this wrap or swallowing these diet pills. I have read countless articles where women claim to have lost fifty pounds while using this exercise product or eating that weight loss bar. I would be lying if I said some of these products didn’t dupe me. But at twenty seven years old, I have come to find the one not-so-secret tip for losing weight and being healthier. Eat well and move your body. That’s it! No pills, bars, fads, shakes, wraps, patches, or machines needed. Just eat well and get moving.

              I won’t speak poorly of particular healthy living programs that encourage participants to use portion control methods while still eating the foods they love and exercising regularly. I have friends who participate in or coach others through these programs and these women have done incredible things. But that’s my point. It isn’t about dieting. It is about changing your life to eat the foods your body needs and working to get in shape and become stronger.

         

     The trick is to find a healthy lifestyle that you love. It sounds simple, but it is something I have struggled with. I’ve been experimenting with this, and I’ve recently come to the conclusion that, and this may shock some family members, I actually love healthy foods. I also love cheeseburgers, but I have had to remind myself again and again that if I just eat greasy, fatty foods, I will give myself a heart attack. Literally. Also, my body craves those fats because they're what it’s used to. But when I’m eating healthy foods regularly, my body changes its cravings. It is true—some days I just want a delicious, crunchy salad or a bowl of fresh fruit.

            

Looking over the top of the Mayan Ruins in Belize
after having hiked and climbed my way up.

  Sometimes I have a moment of weakness. That is usually when I’m extremely hungry and in my car or in a hurry. That’s when a drive-thru feels like the only solution. The trick is to not let yourself get that hungry. Snack. All day. This is truly the best option and something I need to do more often. Snack on veggies, fruits, nuts, seeds, etc., and, I can’t emphasize this enough, drink your water! Sometimes we mistake hunger for thirst and by drinking a full glass of water before a meal, we will feel fuller faster and will be less likely to overeat. Not to mention your body needs water to function properly and digest food.

              I am also learning to find an exercise routine that fits my lifestyle. I enjoy the gym, but sometimes I make excuses and decide to head home rather than walk a half a block down the sidewalk to the fitness center for a quick workout. Once I’m there, I’m in the zone, but now and then my struggle is getting there. That is when a gym buddy comes in handy. You may have heard me mention my fellow gym-goer and colleague, Jackie-O (no, not the real Jackie, but that’s what I’m calling her here). The great thing about Jackie-O is we keep each other motivated. When she does well, I feel good and when I do well, she feels good. We want to see each other succeed and we keep each other accountable. Most of the time.

In addition to the gym, this month I started yoga at Mansfield’s Main Street Yoga. A few people have reminded me that yoga isn’t the way to lose weight. I understand that doing one hour of yoga once or twice a week isn’t going to help me drop fifty pounds, but it is one of the many ways I’m getting my body moving, and it will improve my flexibility and strength regardless of whether or not I lose weight. Also, if those people could feel the extreme soreness in my entire body after my first session of Balance Yoga, they might change their minds about that.

              I have also tried running. Full disclosure: I despise running. I loathe it. But that first day that I set out for a run this year, I felt my body working in ways it hasn’t worked since high school, and the next day I had sore muscles that I didn’t realize were used in running.

              This summer I plan to do a lot of hiking. This can combine my love for the outdoors with my need for movement. I recently took a trip to Belize and did quite a bit of hiking there. Some of the hikes were challenging (for someone as out of shape as me), so much that I doubted my ability to finish them. But when I did finish, soaked with sweat and out of breath, muscles burning through my body, I felt a sense of pride and accomplishment that made me want to do it again and again.

              This is what healthy living does for a person. It changes us into an even stronger version of ourselves. It boosts energy without supplements. It helps us lose weight without diet fads. It gets us excited to set new goals and crush them. It isn’t always about what hot product is on the market. It is a lifestyle change. For me, it is a process. I am learning new things every day and striving to make better choices, and not beat myself up when I slip up. But today I’m better than I was yesterday, and tomorrow I’ll be even stronger, and all I have to do is eat well and get moving. Oh, and drink plenty of water!