Three Ways to Treat Yourself Kinder

"If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete." -Buddha 
 

A healthy lifestyle is more than just eating well and exercising regularly. You also have to take care of yourself emotionally. One of the best ways you can accomplish this is to treat yourself with respect. I will be the first to admit that I have spent most of my life failing at this. I have greatly improved my bad habit of treating myself poorly, but there is still more I can do to be kinder to myself. So, I have made a goal in this area of my life the same way I have made diet and exercise goals. I have determined that to treat myself kinder, I need to do three major things: encourage myself, celebrate myself, and forgive myself. I am no expert in the world of healthy living. I’m just an average girl trying to improve day by day. But from my personal experience, these are the three pieces of advice I could offer you. 

             

Encourage Yourself.

            Do away with the negative language: I can’t. I don’t know how. I wouldn’t be able to. I’m too fat. I’m too weak. I’m too inexperienced. These phrases must be crushed into tiny pieces and set on fire to allow for more encouraging, uplifting phrases to flourish. I have already made it a point to stop calling myself names. No more stupid. No more pig, idiot, or dummy. If someone else spoke to me that way, I would be horribly offended. So why should I speak to myself that way, and think it’s normal? Also, I would never discourage someone else in such a way, so it is absurd to do it to myself.

            We need to encourage ourselves to do well. You can. You will. Nice try. Good job. Maybe next time. You’re a badass bitch and YOU GOT THIS. Those are the things I always felt I needed to hear from other people to stay motivated. But guess what? It feels just as good to say it to myself. So, pat yourself on the back. Give yourself a pep talk. Tell yourself you can do it. Call yourself wonderful instead of an idiot. Encourage yourself to do well, and you will be surprised at how amazing you can make you feel.

Celebrate Yourself.

            Stop with the modesty shit. Dammit, I climbed that mountain and I’m awesome for it. I crushed that goal and I’m proud as hell. Maybe I didn’t do as well as I thought I would during that run, but I finished, and that’s pretty cool too. Celebrate the big moments. Celebrate the little moments. Don’t wait for others to celebrate for you. You know how hard you worked and how long you prepared for this success, big or small, so you have every right to celebrate yourself.

            Celebrate yourself in positive ways. Don’t celebrate with foods that will make you feel awful. Celebrate with friends. Celebrate with a new purse (or shoes). Go see a movie. Take a trip. Get your hair done. Celebrate in a way that is good for your soul. Don’t forget how great you’re doing and don’t wait for someone else to notice it. Remember, you’re a badass bitch. Treat yo’self.

"Believe in Yourself". Me in 2015.

Forgive Yourself.

            This one is the most difficult for me. I emotionally bully myself for things I did or didn’t do. I could have. I should have. Why didn’t I? If only. I have some shocking news, my friends: We can’t change the things we’ve done in the past. Hating ourselves for those things or letting them weigh on our conscience for days or months or even years is unhealthy. We need to let it go. I have had to forgive myself for some incredibly difficult things over the past few years. I can’t change the things I said or didn’t say to loved ones I’ve lost. I can’t change my actions during difficult situations or heated discussions. I can’t change the fact that I gained so much weight when I was pregnant or that I developed such unhealthy habits. But I need to forgive myself and move on. What I can do is work on who I am now to make myself even better for tomorrow. I can show the people in my life how much I care about them before it’s too late. I can be more self-aware when it comes to how I act or react. I can work hard to be healthier now. We make mistakes. We mess up. But we can’t dwell on those mistakes and bully ourselves for them. We can’t erase yesterday, but we can forgive ourselves and make tomorrow unbelievably great.

The Secret to Losing Weight

"A thousand mile journey starts with one step." -Lao Tzu

Photo from Google Images

              The big secret to losing weight and getting healthy isn’t such a secret. Since I’ve been trying so hard to be more health conscious, I have been bombarded with ads and brilliant new secrets to shedding extra pounds. It is as easy as trying this product or using that workout DVD. It’s as effortless as wearing this wrap or swallowing these diet pills. I have read countless articles where women claim to have lost fifty pounds while using this exercise product or eating that weight loss bar. I would be lying if I said some of these products didn’t dupe me. But at twenty seven years old, I have come to find the one not-so-secret tip for losing weight and being healthier. Eat well and move your body. That’s it! No pills, bars, fads, shakes, wraps, patches, or machines needed. Just eat well and get moving.

              I won’t speak poorly of particular healthy living programs that encourage participants to use portion control methods while still eating the foods they love and exercising regularly. I have friends who participate in or coach others through these programs and these women have done incredible things. But that’s my point. It isn’t about dieting. It is about changing your life to eat the foods your body needs and working to get in shape and become stronger.

         

     The trick is to find a healthy lifestyle that you love. It sounds simple, but it is something I have struggled with. I’ve been experimenting with this, and I’ve recently come to the conclusion that, and this may shock some family members, I actually love healthy foods. I also love cheeseburgers, but I have had to remind myself again and again that if I just eat greasy, fatty foods, I will give myself a heart attack. Literally. Also, my body craves those fats because they're what it’s used to. But when I’m eating healthy foods regularly, my body changes its cravings. It is true—some days I just want a delicious, crunchy salad or a bowl of fresh fruit.

            

Looking over the top of the Mayan Ruins in Belize
after having hiked and climbed my way up.

  Sometimes I have a moment of weakness. That is usually when I’m extremely hungry and in my car or in a hurry. That’s when a drive-thru feels like the only solution. The trick is to not let yourself get that hungry. Snack. All day. This is truly the best option and something I need to do more often. Snack on veggies, fruits, nuts, seeds, etc., and, I can’t emphasize this enough, drink your water! Sometimes we mistake hunger for thirst and by drinking a full glass of water before a meal, we will feel fuller faster and will be less likely to overeat. Not to mention your body needs water to function properly and digest food.

              I am also learning to find an exercise routine that fits my lifestyle. I enjoy the gym, but sometimes I make excuses and decide to head home rather than walk a half a block down the sidewalk to the fitness center for a quick workout. Once I’m there, I’m in the zone, but now and then my struggle is getting there. That is when a gym buddy comes in handy. You may have heard me mention my fellow gym-goer and colleague, Jackie-O (no, not the real Jackie, but that’s what I’m calling her here). The great thing about Jackie-O is we keep each other motivated. When she does well, I feel good and when I do well, she feels good. We want to see each other succeed and we keep each other accountable. Most of the time.

In addition to the gym, this month I started yoga at Mansfield’s Main Street Yoga. A few people have reminded me that yoga isn’t the way to lose weight. I understand that doing one hour of yoga once or twice a week isn’t going to help me drop fifty pounds, but it is one of the many ways I’m getting my body moving, and it will improve my flexibility and strength regardless of whether or not I lose weight. Also, if those people could feel the extreme soreness in my entire body after my first session of Balance Yoga, they might change their minds about that.

              I have also tried running. Full disclosure: I despise running. I loathe it. But that first day that I set out for a run this year, I felt my body working in ways it hasn’t worked since high school, and the next day I had sore muscles that I didn’t realize were used in running.

              This summer I plan to do a lot of hiking. This can combine my love for the outdoors with my need for movement. I recently took a trip to Belize and did quite a bit of hiking there. Some of the hikes were challenging (for someone as out of shape as me), so much that I doubted my ability to finish them. But when I did finish, soaked with sweat and out of breath, muscles burning through my body, I felt a sense of pride and accomplishment that made me want to do it again and again.

              This is what healthy living does for a person. It changes us into an even stronger version of ourselves. It boosts energy without supplements. It helps us lose weight without diet fads. It gets us excited to set new goals and crush them. It isn’t always about what hot product is on the market. It is a lifestyle change. For me, it is a process. I am learning new things every day and striving to make better choices, and not beat myself up when I slip up. But today I’m better than I was yesterday, and tomorrow I’ll be even stronger, and all I have to do is eat well and get moving. Oh, and drink plenty of water!

Like Mama

“I’ll find strength in pain and I will change my ways.” –Mumford and Sons

Photo from Google Images

 I generally hit the gym after work with my workout buddy. We’ll call her Jackie-O (she reminds me of Jackie Onassis). Sometimes I will go home and do additional floor exercises or yoga as well. I live in a minuscule one-bedroom apartment with my husband, daughter, cat, and dog. Needless to say, between living creatures and toys, there isn’t much floor space for said floor exercises. But I make it work.

                My first week of strong, consistent workouts was the first time I tried a workout DVD with good ol’ Jackie-O, who happens to be stronger, thinner, and healthier than me (but I’ve learned that this doesn’t matter so much—we all have goals, even if we’re on different levels). Jackie-O and her straight-from-hell Combat DVD kicked my ass. The next day I was left with muscles sore enough to make standing from my office chair a difficult task. But it was the good kind of sore that reminded me that my body is changing and my muscles are adapting.

                I went home that night and did some yoga on my living room floor to give those sore muscles an extra stretch. I used to do yoga more regularly, but with my recent string of unhealthy habits and complete laziness, I lost that routine along the way. So this was the first time in a couple of years that I had practiced yoga, even on my own.

                I went on with my different poses, finally resting into child’s pose with my knees tucked under my body, my torso leaned over, and my forehead resting on the mat, when I heard my daughter, Sophie, approach. I heard her drop eagerly onto the floor next to me, so I sat up, nervous she might jump on me. Sometimes I wonder where this kid gets her energy.

                I watched Sophie roll onto her back, kick her feet into the air, and shout, “I’m exercisin’ like mama!”

Sophie Bedford

                My first reaction was to laugh, because the funniest things come out of her mouth sometimes. But then I couldn’t help but feel proud to have her copy this kind of behavior. How long had she been watching me? I thought back to a time when I was so unhealthy that fast food and Chinese takeout were the dinner options in our house in Syracuse. I remembered when I went through the drive-thru window at McDonald’s with Sophie, who was only just over a year old at the time, and she told me from the back seat that she wanted French fries.

                I don’t let my kid eat much fast food, but my husband and I were eating it so frequently that our toddler recognized the drive-thru and knew exactly what kind of food I was going to order. This horrified me at the time, and I still feel nauseous when I think about it. But the night when Sophie tried to copy me doing yoga on the living room floor, I knew I was making a pivotal decision not only to become healthier, but to set a better example for my daughter.

                Even if I wasn’t feeding Sophie fast food when I was at my unhealthiest, she was still watching me consume it. Humans learn by example. I want the example I set for my daughter to include healthy choices. I want to show her how to eat well, stay active, and feel happy. It is not only up to me to tell Sophie what to do or how to live, but to illustrate the kind of life I want for her by living it every day. This journey isn’t just for me after all, because my baby will always be watching her mama.